I have been terrified to write this ezine lately. It's not like I have a lack of ideas or time –it's quite the opposite. I have this little pad that I carry with me when thoughts come because the wave of inspiration usually comes when I'm walking on the beach, driving or honestly when in the bathroom.

I've even scheduled 6 hours a week dedicated to writing. Yet each time I sit down to do it I freeze up. (Or I start organizing my desk).

Why is this happening? I think I have a clue. It's about the illusion of perfection and our dreams.

My whole life I have aspired to be a writer. I loved to journal and did it pretty religiously up till a few years ago. I loved reading books on health and wellness. Geneen Roth was my guru in my 20's as I recovered from an eating disorder. As I became more confident in my health counseling I started to have a dream. I want to be another inspiring writer, just like she was to me.

OH my gosh, I admitted that!

Actually feels really good.

But then another thought. Why can't I see that I already AM a writer? I write every week for FWH and every month for the yoga tree. More and more people are asking me to write for them but I feel like hiding.

This week I started 4 different ezine topics. Choosing one has been a huge struggle. I even thought- Forget it, I'm giving up- I cant do this- It's too much for me- Maybe I don't want this anyway- Who cares- Does anyone even read these, Does it matter…etc….. (you get the picture)

Now you might be wondering why is Darshana talking about her fear of writing this ezine. How is this going to help me with my health and relationship to food? Here's how…

#1. I believe in transparency. When we admit and are honest about the tough things in life we move energy instead of hold it. When we keep things inside ourselves, whether it be a dream or a fear, we tend to stew in it. And how many of us end up sitting down and telling Ben and Jerry our dreams and fears.

#2 The need to be perfect stops us from living our dreams. Picture this: Every day this week I starting to write this ezine and then said to myself, "I just can't do this!" Well that's what happened. I wanted this weeks ezine to be perfect. To WOW you. To MOVE you. To INSPIRE you.

How many times has our perfectionism stopped us from even trying?

#3. When we move the energy we have the opportunity to be fully human. For example as I wrote down my dream I noticed I stopped clenching. (a release of physical sensation) I noticed the fear dissipate. (emotional release) Human responses, right? But somehow we have it drilled in that we "shouldn't" feel these things.

We all have wants, needs and desires. As we start to taste and experience these desire how can we stay open, and not close up, retreat inward or shut down.

How many times have I heard (and experienced) the following….

Finding an awesome partner and then creating fights.

Losing weight and then finding ourselves back in the kitchen cooking up a batch of brownies and eating the whole batch before anyone gets home. (Oh I don't mean to project- that was my story in my late teens and 20's)

And what about career. We get a job opportunity or a the promotion and then before we know it we are sabotaging ourselves.

Earlier in my life if I had a dream I usually had one of two reactions . Either I'd get scared because it wasn't perfect and end up in the kitchen eating whatever was there. Or I'd power-house towards the dream and didn't care about anyone or anything until it was accomplished. I usually felt so alone and once again would end up in the kitchen eating. (The opposite of the binge would be to try and control all of your food intake because the dream feels uncontrollable)

Why does this happen?
Is the love too big to hold?
Is it scary to be at a weight that feels good to us?
Do we feel incapable of going to the next level with work?

I don't think so.
I know that we are capable of doing anything we want.

Our energy, like the energy of the universe, is limitless.
Learning to tap into that and hold onto it is a skill.
And a skill that each one of us has the ability to learn.

How do I know that?
Because I used to sabotage my weight, jobs and relationships.
With awareness, I now know that I don't need to be my own enemy. Instead with the confidence to be transparent and the skills of body sensing, emotional intelligence and an awesome whole foods diet to keep my body, moods and hormones in balance I know that I can live my dreams.

It's human to get scared and withdraw. We all have our edge. And the more we grow and learn about ourselves the edge gets bigger. But we are more capable of standing on the edge and knowing when and how to make the next step.

So I want to know: what's your dream?

I know this week's ezine isn't perfect. But perfection is not what it's about. It's just doing what you believe in. Then your heart sings. The food you eat becomes secondary and you live your life with fullness, happiness and a lot more ease.

Till next week…

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Do you have a dream?
Are you using food to hide from that dream?
Have you reached your health goal and then watched yourself slip back into old habits?

If so you are not alone.
We would love to support in creating skills that keep you on track.

Call or email us today and learn more about our programs.
Click HERE to tell us more about you and your health.

FWH programs to choose from:

In person in the San Francisco Bay area: http://www.fruitionhealth.com/services_local.html

And
Phone programs
http://www.fruitionhealth.com/services_longdistance.html

**NEW SF GROUP PROGRAM**

Starts Tuesday January 8, 2008
Start the year out on the health track!
Spots filling up.
Contact is for your free consultation or to register!

Speak with one of our counselors for free. During your free initial session, we will review your health history in detail and discuss your goals. Then we will work together to design a program that focuses on your specific health concerns.

Call 415 -552 -8344 or email info@fruitionhealth.com

November 10, 2007
Love the Skin You Are In!
Transforming Body Image
1:00- 3:30pm at The Yoga Tree Stanyan
For more details or to register:
http://www.yogatreesf.com/workshops.htm

November 11, 2007
Sugar Can Be Medicine
1:00- 4:00pm at The Yoga Tree Stanyan
For more details or to register:
http://www.yogatreesf.com/workshops.htm

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